putting it out there.

so, leah barton and i like to play with that stumble upon thing where it gives you cool websites and stuff to look at. i have been addicted to this one website that it gave me. this lady did a project where she wrote 300 love letters. letters to lovers, friends, family, and strangers. i love how the meaning of love is shown through them all. so differently. it doesn't even have to be written poetically, just written. i admired that. i have never just done that. written what i wanted to tell someone. i needed to. so i did. 

you probably don't remember me seeming like i needed your affirmation of your love from the times we spent before you left. after i encouraged our time touching rather than talking. i showed you that i want love in the poorest of ways. i thought you would make the connection between physical and emotional love. how could i admit that to you afterward? admit that i asked for something i really didn't need in hope for something i did. 

i am really the one at fault, thinking that needs were obvious through twisting behavior. what the hell, right? i hate that i couldn't ask you. i couldn't ask you how you felt, how you were expecting to make me feel, how you wanted it all to play out. i hate that when i did ask you, it was fucking awkward. you couldn't articulate your feelings to me. actually, it was worse. you had never planned to. even worse, to this day i cant imagine you telling me what i needed to hear and i couldn't tell you how i am feeling about it all, for dumb fucking reasons. 

i want you to choose to act in a way that is going to be parallel to how i want you to. natural. not forced. i want you to want me. unconditionally, non-awkwardly, like a friend. i want you to want to make me happy as well as knowing how to. i want you to send me letters and fbook messages. i want you to remind me why we worked, why you looked at me in sorin that time, why you asked me on a date, why i helped you grow, why you wanted to hold my hand in public, and why you wanted more. i don't care if they are animalistic reasons, degrading me down to outward beauty. at least they are reasons i can work with. i could at least hate you then. 


-Katie

here is the inspiration, enjoy it. 

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1sBpBK/www.sleeptrip.com/300loveletters/2.html